Within the last couple of years, I’ve finally started to grow to be my own person. I think I have? I’ve stopped trying to people please and be that stupidly needy person that no one wants to be around.
now I don’t want to be around anyone – so there’s that fun little thing. There comes a time and place where you sit yourself down and think: “who do I really need in my life?” Well, friends, Internet folk, random person I’ll never know.. Here’s the list of toxic people that I’m slowly distancing myself from.
- the up and comer: this person has been the one you assumed that youbwould be friends with for years. You would have our own inside jokes, blast Taylor Swift songs, and tell each other that we loved each other with or without alcohol. This person could rely on me at any time of the day to cry over an ex or whatever situation they’d get themselves in. You would do the same, but would feel like a bother. Even now, I feel like I’m bothering everyone and u til you shake me and say, “you’re fine. Come to me!” I’ll always feel like a nuisance. There’ll be that one day, where you feel that relationship dwindled away. They’ll stop responding to you. Those plans you came up with will be canceled or forgotten about. You’ll start hearing how you took advantage of them and now are a bad guy in the eyes of other. Mutual friends will avoid trying to talk to you because of this one sided tale. Your last words to each other will be over something trivial. You’ll look back on that text and wonder why it had to end that way? Now you know.
- The Used to Be: There was probably a friendship that lasted longer than any other. You assumed that it’ll keep on going; so you decide to introduce your new friends to the old. You suddenly start to realize that you’re slowly being pushed out. That there’s laughter that will abruptly end as soon as someone spots you. You can’t help but think there’s something on you. Then you’ll get the temptation to look at an open message…it’s about you. You won’t know how to feel when you realize the things these people are saying. At that point, you want to cry or scream or walk away from it all. Instead, you smile when they approach the table again and ask them for another round. It starts burning inside of you knowing that you’re the butt of their jokes. You kind of want to say something alas they take care of it for you. They’ll completely cut you out and that’s that. Until they invite you out and it starts all over again. You try to latch on to what you originally had with the first friend, but you can tell that whatever love was there is now gone.
- The Family Member: this is the one that’ll take forever and a day to distance yourself from. This is the person who as soon as you see them..your stomach starts the turn and you’re aching to leave. Anything would be better than hearing them teasing about how this person is now a doctor with kids and a house that’s all paid off. They’ll look at you and smirk. You’ll stare back with your fists clenched ready to spit something back. You’re stuck like that until the gossip of another person comes up in conversation. This same person will come up to you and wonder why you never talk to them? Why did you keep your distance? I wasn’t saying that towards you! It was a joke. The joke that has been my life for the past couple of years. You tell them you’re tired and excuse yourself before you break into hysterics.
- The Boy: There will always be that “what if?” Situation. You’ll meet this “one in a million” “dime a dozen” type person and everything will be beautiful through your rose colored glasses. Then there will be that one night where it gets torn away from you. 6 months later, you’ll be sipping on your 3rd glass of wine on tinder and your heart will start beating rapidly. Your hands start to get clammy as you look down at those blue eyes again. Those same blue eyes that danced whenever you would make a fool of yourself. The same blue eyes that played you like a fiddle. The next thing you know you’re staring up at a foreign ceiling thinking that it could be different this time. The next thing you know; you’re back at it again. Feeling sorry for yourself and wondering why you even exist. Why you’re not smarter than the girl he’s looking down at. Why you’re not skinny enough for him to wrap his whole arm around your waist? Why you’re not enough for him to be proud to call you his girlfriend. Fast forward another 9 months..and you’ll find yourself staring at that exact ceiling. Only this time you’ll realize that it’s different. Now you’ll be wondering when this will end. How this will end.
- Your old self: this is where it gets tricky. Sure, the previous 4 people are going to be the ones that will take a year or 10 to get out of your mins and heart. This one is the one you’ll always run back to when you’re scared. It’s the same self who has you scared over opening up yourself to people. Let it go, you’ll tell yourself. Do like James Bay and let it go. Who knows? Maybe down the line, you’ll remember your old self and wonder why you let yourself get like that? Why you were so negative and unhappy for so long. Then, you’ll look at what you have. The home. The pets. The job. Hell, the man who’s probably napping on the couch. And you’ll realize that you had to let yourself detox from those people, situations, and yourself.
It may seem like a goddamn mission right now, but youll come to realize what and who you deserve. You’ll start being careful with who you let in. You’ll probably print out a questionnaire for everyone to fill out to help you with the choices. Who knows at this point? Only you do. You’ll figure this out. It’s taken you this long to start figuring out what you don’t need in your life anymore. Now it’s that time to start doing something about it.